Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Gomp Theory

Gompiness (noun) is a state of being, a way of life. (See also: plump, husky, chunky) People existing in this state possess heavy midsections but normal-sized top halves of the body. Those that are "gompy" are occasionally called "frumpy," but the two are not interchangeable as gompiness requires some athleticism. The term was coined by a number of my college baseball teammates (circa 2004).

Gompiness is best exemplified in the form of baseball players. Allow me to convey my point in a college-type way.

Course Listing

Level 101 Intro to Gomp - Professor Giles: Brian Giles began his career as a relatively speedy outfielder with some pop. He recorded double-digit stolen bases in four of his first six full seasons. Since then however, Giles has devolved into a husky left fielder devoid of any speed with an ever-growing midsection.

Professor Giles

Level 301 Gomponomics - Professor Bell: Heath Bell has taken the Gomp Group by storm this season. As a member of the New York Mets, teammates considered him svelte. Now, only inebriated fans of his would make that mistake.

Professor Bell

Level 305 Anti-Gomp - Professor Upton: When looked at from the side, BJ Upton is practically transparent. His waist is microscopic.

Professor Upton

Level 501 Gomp Theory - Professor Beckett: Josh Beckett dumps like a truck. What, what.

Professor Beckett

Level 901 Group Gomp - Professors Berkman, Lee, and Rodriguez with Guest Lecturer Tejada: The Houston Astros employ the three gompiest Major Leaguers. In fact, one is aptly nicknamed "Pudge."

Professors Berkman, Lee and Rodriguez

Guest Lecturer Tejada

Note: Joe Torre would be considered "gompy" if he were not a robot. Robots cannot have this distinction.

Robot Torre

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